What's That Spell!?! PROCRASTINATE!

OCTOBER 8, 2007

I should be studying right now, but like all things in life, there are some things more important than school and one of those things is procrastinating.

Each classroom gains its own dynamic - an ebb and flow of personalities that can make your experience in that class either a joy or hell on earth. Luckily my experience in GIE has landed somewhere in the middle, but since I'm the type of sit back and enjoy lecture rather than furiously scribble down notes, its given me an opportunity to observe some of the idiosyncracies of our lecture hall at this time. Since we're over halfway done with the class and things will soon be changing, I thought this would be a great chance to give you all a look into the what its like to sit in a 160 person medical school lecture hall at god awful times in the morning digesting a truly evil amount of information.

Thus I present... my lecture hall and all that makes it wonderful.

Exhibit A. The Girl Who Sleeps. In my day, I have known many people with an incredible knack for being able to fall asleep anywhere at any time. But of my lord this girl takes the cake, sets the record, and is so far ahead she'll never be caught. 15 second between slides? 15 seconds of REM sleep please! 10 minute break? Why that's enough time to fit a dream or two in! I do not know what makes this girl so perpetually tired, but I am continually impressed at her ability to fall asleep faster than a narcoleptic who's 24 hours behind on their meds.

Exbihit B. The PAs. One day we will work together, since PAs are an essential and soon to become even more important component of our medical infrastructure. But for now... the line is drawn in the sand. There must be no mingling of MDs and PAs under any circumstances. The must be no acknowledgement of PAs by MDs. The PAs must always score higher than the MDs on exam. These are the rules of lecture hall.

Exhibit C. The kids. Adding further dynamic to our lecture hall, we have the pleasure of taking GIE with 7 radiology students. Radiology is a major offered through Portland State University, which means these 19 year olds have the exquisite *cough* pleasure of taking a medical school class with our future leaders of america... I mean future incompetant doctors of america. They resort to cowering in the back row, pretending they don't have to live through such a hell and hoping not to be seen.

Exhibit D. Death to All Who Come Here. These are the achievers of the group. Front row seats please, so I can digest directly from the mouth and not from the microphone all the wonderful insights into medicine our lecturers impart on us on a daily basis. The hierarchy of these seats have been established from the first day. Do not venture into this area and take someone's seat under the penalty of death.

Exhibit E. I didn't put in an E. This serves as further proof I am losing my mind.

Exhibit F. The Computer. Technology is a wonderful thing. Except when lecturers do not know how to use it. There is a guaranteed 15 technical difficulties per week in lecture hall. In case of said technical difficulties, count of some individual from Exhibit D (Death To All Who Come Here Zone) to run up eagerly to help. Because we must learn. We. Must. Learn.

Exhibit G. The Giant Projection Screen. This thing is like 80" big. It puts most MTV Cribs theater rooms to shame. That being said, count on at least 80% of all lectures to have slides with text and diagrams too small read, even on such a behemoth monstronsity.

Exhibit H. You're Late. This space on the stairs is reserved for those special individuals who arrive late. Seats taken? Tough luck. You are cursed to sit on your hard ass for an hour with your binder awkwardly on your lap until break. I think we should invest in pillows for zone H. I might be late on purpose if that was the case.

Exhibit I. Smelly Food Zone. People filter in and out of this zone but one thing is constant... the smell. I think it is required for someone to sit in this zone and open up their wonderful tupperware container of sliced eggs lain all over their tuna sandwhich. Yum.

Exhibit J. Dr. Feelgood. Dr. Feelgood is a general surgeon who helps out in anatomy lab. One caveat... Dr. Feelgood has been banned from the OR for being too old and senile. As a result, Dr. Feelgood uses lecture hall to flex his surgical prowess, challenging all guest lecturers that he knows just as much about the procedures on their specialty and they do. Oh, Dr. Feelgood. I hear Old Country Kitchen has continental breakfast all morning long.

The Star. Me. I do not move... My zone is my happy place.

So there you have it. Welcome to lecture hall.